I’ve made many attempts to start a blog over the years. Many.
And I failed.
I think, at least for me, it has to do with the fact that I had nothing to say for the last several years. When I was at my most “wordy”, my most “vocal”, I would just bitch about work, or what I saw on television at the time, or talk about a movie I was excited to see, or talk about how “poor me” and how everyone was doing better than me.
Then, I thought I could “brand” myself. I thought I could make cartoons and comics and movies and I would be famous.
Just one problem: I had no idea what I was doing.
And I continued on that spiral for many years–writing ideas down, and then doing all the work in my head, because I did not know how to do any of it. And, I can tell you after buying book after book after book on how to do certain things, and how to accomplish your goals, unless you have the drive for it, you will never accomplish them.
You can keep telling yourself, “I need to try harder! I need to buy another class! I need to buy this software! I need this book! I need to hire someone to help me!” But, unless you are willing to make sacrifices, and I mean BIG sacrifices, you will never accomplish what you want.
I realized that about myself. I wanted it all, but I didn’t want to make any sacrifices. I didn’t want to do the hard work. I didn’t want to push myself anymore than I had to. Especially, when I’m afraid of what will happen if I become too emotionally stressed by everything I want to complete in my life. Because, I have found that if you don’t think about “it”, “it” can’t hurt you.
And, trust me, I have been living the lyrics to “Run Like Hell” by Pink Floyd for many, many years.
It’s 2018, I’m 40 years old, I’m married, and I have a child, pets, a house and other luxuries that get you by on a daily basis. I’m living the American “dream”.
Then, why aren’t I “happy”?
I love my family. I would never replace them for the world. They bring me a particular type of “joy”.
The “happiness” I’m talking about is what I see from people I meet and work with and hang out with. But, then I have to ask myself, are they “happy”? Or, are they “masking” their problems too?
This, my readers, is what I’m talking about when I say “farting” online.
I realize that I now have someplace to “fart”, to let go of my feelings. I found a place that I can be myself, where I “…control the vertical, and the horizontal.”
I’m not setting huge expectations on myself this time, that I end up allowing myself to feel defeated when I don’t fulfill on staying on task on this blog.
I will allow “myself” to finally “be myself”.
If you have stayed this long, thanks. For listening.