Real Farts from an Old Fart

Category: Uncategorized (Page 1 of 2)

Moving on…

I started this site as a means to get out the demons in my head.

I also started it as a means to have other people understand the hell that I am going through, or that I have put myself through.

I wanted to be a spokesperson for mental health. POSITIVE mental health. That even in the darkest of times, there is a way out if you have the means for it. I also wanted to be an extra ear for those people who needed to talk.

I would say I accomplished that, and in a small way I did, but not to the extent I wanted to.

I also wanted to throw people under the bus for what has happened to me and how I got to be the messed up person I am sitting before you this early morning, but I can’t. There would be some people hurt, embarrassed, or not even care.

What is important is that I need to move on. I need to stop using this as a place to complain about life, and find something more meaningful to write about.

I’m not writing a book (at least not yet), and I am trying to startup to websites that I have put off for various reasons. And, I am trying to get over my “scars” and try to find some work. I have placed a total of five applications, never heard back from two, was contacted by one and cancelled it because it was not a good fit for me, cancelled another one because it would cause me to be away from my family, and I can’t do that right now. So, I am going to contact this last job and find out if they have received my resume and application and try for an interview.

But, this site, which did help to have people understand me better, and allow me to understand me better, will close its doors. No one will be reading this until much later because of some Internet issue that I will have to figure out, but, yeah, it is time to close this book and start a new chapter.

You guys that have supported me have been great, even if I eventually was not back. I wish I could make some of you understand, but honestly, it is just best if I let it go.

“Good morning, and in case I don’t see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!”

Jim carrey, “The truman Show” (1998)

Blind Faith.

This is a story all ’bout how my life got twisted upside down… Will Smith, from ”The Fresh Prince of Bel Air”

Now that I got that stuck in your head, I’ll continue.

But, before I start, did you know Steve Winwood wrote the song ”Blind Faith” that appeared in 1989’s ”Masters of the Universe” movie? Man, that movie sucked.

(Note to self: ”Watch ’Masters of the Universe’ this weekend.”)

Anyway, this is how I came from having a psychotic break, to have the best time of my life, at least for the moment.

Always the pessimist.

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Results. So many results.

I’m sitting here at lunch, going over in my head my last physical. Just like everyone else my age, we have to have blood work. I waited a short amount of time before the nurse called me on the phone with my results. It turns out that A) my glucose level was more elevated than in the past labs, and B) my liver enzymes were high.

Fuck. Welcome “prediabetes.” Again.

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write with might

Those of you that follow me on Facebook have seen my tattoos, and each one tells a different story. My “live life” on my wrists is to remind me that there is always another way than committing suicide, my “Quoth the Raven ‘Nevermore'” is an homage of my love of Edgar Allan Poe, plus a reminder of a time when my mom and I would watch old Hammer horror films starring Vincent Price, Basil Rathbone, and Peter Cushing. My symbol on my right arm is a symbol that I have drawn and altered for 28 years, almost like a signature in symbolic form, not unlike the artist Prince went by a symbol at one time to rebel against his record label at the time and finally be his “own” entity. Now, on my writing hand, covering my finger and thumb that I clutch my favorite writing instrument, I got the tattoo, “write with might” to remind me to write with feeling, with emotion, with all the power I can muster and make something that each time I’m proud of, not just something that should be thrown in the trash because it’s another rehash of something that someone did better.

A little extreme? Maybe. But, once again, it means something to me, and it’s another conversation starter that lets others into my world, one more ink at a time.

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God Loves…

I was a sophomore in high school. I had very little friends, and those that I did have were either in theater productions that I participated in, or at my church group that I attended every Sunday evening. I just wanted to be accepted. I was tired of always feeling like a loser. At that time, being a geek or a nerd was not a good thing. In fact, it was thought of as a bad word.

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