I have worked for Textbroker.com as a content writer, but for the last several months since my last full-time job, I have felt defeated. When I write for them, I feel cheated because I get no credit for the articles I write.

And I write damn good articles. Everything from history reports, fake and honest reviews (the honest ones I don’t get paid for, but they are good nonetheless), “about me” pages, blog posts about things that I either have prior knowledge of or no knowlege of at all.

I took a free week course on Facebook about creating your own business doing content writing and other business writing online. The woman posting it swears that she makes $5000 a month writing for other companies, and she wants to share her secrets with us.

I thought, “Great! I can work at home, not deal with the stress of people, and practice my writing at the same time!”

I was there the entire week. I took notes. I even bought into the Black Friday sales of web apps and site builders to make my business. Then, she released the list of what sells. It was a “Top 9” list that had everything from cryptocurrency to B2B/B2C marketing (which, by the way, is “business to business and business to consumer”) to ROI blog posts (that one stands for “return on investment”).

I never wrote for any of those things when I worked on Textbroker. I never completed college, and the only marketing and entreprenuer knowledge I have is from high school or earlier. I’m not qualified to write those things.

I reached out to her and asked if looking for sites that blog about mental health or suicide awareness. She informed me that most of those businesses are non-profit or make little money that they do not look for people to write for them.

Ouch. I was at a loss. I didn’t know what to do. What is worse is that I am having bouts of mood swings which is part of the reason I was looking into disability in the first place for my mental health. I am 41 years old, and I actually feel like a rookie.

So, I haven’t been writing. Sure, I’ve been blogging on here, but not writing to make money. It’s frustrating knowing that you may have a psychological episode where you are either paralyzed and not able to do things, manic to the point where you feel like you are on top of the world, or angry and lashing out at people for reasons you don’t know or understand.

It’s scary. To not know who you are one day to the next. As you can tell, I’m not afraid to talk about it. I need all the support I can get. But, it’s hard being me.

And, yes, people have it worse, but I’m still getting used to the fact that I don’t have a job anymore. I have things I can do around the house, and I keep up on them. I have my books that I read, I want to get back into using YouTube to review books, and this year I want to publish two short stories (which I have been working on).

A gentleman on LinkedIn messaged me early today and asked if I wanted to jump out of Textbroker and work for his business. He promised me more pay per words, and better options. I sent him a response letter, asking if the writers would get credit for their work, as well as some other minor questions. He replied back, rather nastily, that I wasn’t a good fit for him and that I should write for a few websites and use that as my portfolio.

Wow. No one wants to give credit where credit is due, which is why these content mill writing gigs work. You write, someone else takes the credit, and you get paid. If people in politics can do it, so can the common man.

I refuse to write if I’m not going to get credit. Textbroker won’t even let you have a profile with your own name. Just a face and a moniker (which mine is very clever, I think!). I want people to know who I am and what I write. I feel nameless.

That is why I am focusing on my fiction writing. I want my name to be known. I don’t care if it is not a household name, I just want someone to pick up an anthology and see my name in the credits and garner a fan in the process. Then, as I become more proficient and make larger works, maybe look for my own editor and publisher, or self publish my work. That seems more worthwhile than being just a picture on a site.

I’m just a number to these people. It’s not worth my time.