I Fart Online

Real Farts from an Old Fart

Category: suicide

There is more to not writing.

It’s not just that I haven’t wanted to write, but I’m sure after a while, people get tired listening to someone complain about their problems.

I know I am.

I also don’t get a lot of feedback like I used to. That is due to the fact that I unfriended a section of people I knew. They aren’t a part of my life, and some of them were the problem.

I am an empath. I feed off of people’s problems and feelings, whether I want to or not. I have tried to stop doing it, but it led to part of the reason why I couldn’t work any longer. I couldn’t deal with life’s problems being fed to me by the masses.

I posted a video on Facebook recently. It was this:

Ahmed Best, aka Jar Jar Binks from Star Wars Ep. 1.

He talked about how Jar Jar Binks was not only the greatest thing to happen to him, but how it was also the worst thing to happen to him. In the video, he talks about the media and public backlash and hatred he received due to the character. They covered everything from racial stereotypes to just how the character was George Lucas’s worst idea. Ahmed had a hard childhood as a black individual, but what really got me was how he explained his depression. He was expected to put on this “happy face” and pretend like life was full of roses to the public, but privately, he was suffering. That’s how I feel and how I have felt for over 30 years.

But, that’s what I’m getting at. It spoke to me, and I was forcing everyone to listen to it. I got one response on my Facebook feed. It was from my wife. God love her.

So, I need to focus on the positives. I have started to work on a short story that I hope to have published by Father’s Day, if not before. I hope to have another one or a full book published by the end of the year. So, this publicly personal journal will play second fiddle to me wanting to accomplish those goals.

I’m also slowing down on my ARC reading. In three months, I read fifteen books, nine were advance reader copies to review and proofread, and six I read because I wanted to. I want to read more of the books that I like and less work with authors and publishers. Being that I only have three of my six authors/publishers that have been posting consistently, they will have to understand. If not, then I just do less of their reading and more of what I want. End of story.

About this short story I’m working on, I don’t want to give much away, but I know that people wanted me to write horror, but I had this idea for a slight horror/hard sci-fi short story that has never been done before, and I think it will do really well. I’ve already notated a lot of passages in my voice recorder that I will write down and piece together the meat of the story, but I dig the idea so much that it’s my main focus right now.

I also have an author that I may review some of his books that deal with self-help with mental health and overall health. We will see what will come of that.

So, I will occasionally post on here, but don’t expect daily posts. Maybe more weekly or bi-weekly posts…maybe the same day I do my Humira shot. That way I can sleep the rest of the day.

Kidding.

Authors and publishers I think people should check out are Kaleb Shad, Shadow Alley Press Inc., Odysia Press, Oliver Franks, Silas Post, and Jamie Hawke. I’m too lazy to link each one of them right now, so copy their name from the post and look them up that way. You will thank yourself.

Alright. Back to work.

“21. Say Goodbye To Who You Used To Be.”

Wow. That is a hard one.

I have a hard enough time of doing that with my mental illness that doing that to get closer to a minimalistic lifestyle makes it ten times worse.

I’m not saying it isn’t impossible, but lately, I’ve been struggling, and trying to better myself at the same time is even more straining on the mind than I anticipated.

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I’ve been afraid to come back here.

A lot has changed since I last logged onto I Fart Online, and I needed some time to get my shit together.

Consider my shit “somewhat” together.

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What happened.

Let me start from the beginning.

I’m having a hard time lately with energy and sleep patterns. I would come home and “crash,” wake up to take my medications, and then go to bed, and wake up before the alarm would go off.

It’s annoying.

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